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Note: This story follows the newsgroup postings: Tightbeam to Henbane, Re: Tightbeam to Henbane, and particularly WIDEBEAM Re: A Public Service Announcement.
"Phong, I can't believe this," Matrix said as he glared at the older man. "You're actually having dealings with Dunwich? Aren't you the one who called them The Few, The Mad, and The Dangerous?"
The other man turned up the van stereo and stared back. A classic rock station started playing Procul Harem's 'Whiter Shade of Pale.' "No," the elder man replied. "Agent Bob said that. We must face the facts, young Matrix," he said, pointing his finger in the air. "If we are going to win against the Evil that Fluffs(tm) we need allies. Powerful allies."
"Then perhaps we should have closer ties with the national Fudd organization..."
"The one that can't defend their own headquarters?" Phong said acidly. "How can they help us if they can't help themselves?"
"But..." Matrix sputtered, "Fouriers! And squirrels!" He shook his head. "Bad combination."
"Then let me run down the situation to you," Phong began airily. "The MFD is a tiny group of talented amateurs up against thousands of devilbunnies. If they ever find out who we are and where we are, they'll overwhelm us," he snapped his fingers, "in an instant."
"We hit them pretty hard before..."
"Smoke and mirrors!" Phong replied angrily. "We levered our advantages with wit and illusion but that won't help us against a real attack. By the Tao! We don't have a base to operate from, or even a cleric to bless our vanilla! The Four can supply us with a steady source of anti-bunny vaccine and munitions. And if we help them smoke out this 'cuddlebunni' character there could be a substantial monetary reward."
"Well I'm not sure I'd trust _anything_ that comes from the Four," Matrix started to reply, then paused. "Just what kind of munitions are we talking about?"
Phong smiled mysteriously. "Nothing that would violate the Omega treaties." He leaned towards Matrix. "Do I see an interest in your eyes?"
Matrix pulled back. "No." He fidgeted. "Definitely not." He shifted in his seat. "Okay, so maybe I'd like to glance through their catalog."
"Thought so," Phong replied, satisfied. "You should get your own. Have Leftie order you one. Now go, I have others to meet."
Matrix nodded. "To Rend and Defend." He exited the non-descript van.
After Matrix was gone Phong reached under one of the seats and pulled out a magazine in a brown paper wrapper. He carefully opened the wrapper and started glancing through it. "Hmmmm..." he pondered flipping the pages. "Special edition DVD with a three hundred dollar order? I think we can pull this off."
Originally published on alt.devilbunnies on July 4, 2002