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New Programming took time to write. It takes place over several months beginning in early spring and ends in the summer. It is my longest effort to date. Please sit back and enjoy.
Kudos to the usual suspects. You know who you are <gleefulchitter> <bobheadbobhead>.
~JennyM
/"Hap-py Friendly Folks!/
/Hap-py Friendly Folks!/
/Laughing, telling jokes!/
/'Cause we're happy friendly folks... "/
Marcia Gaines sat in her chair and grimaced. She'd seen a lot of annoying children's television in her time at the TV station. She couldn't help it; she was the morning engineer at the station and it was her _job_ to put the shows on the air.
But this one was different. Some of segments were being shot at her station's studio and the station was now the first to air it. If the response was good they'd offer it to PBS. It would be a real coup for them to be the originating station for a hot new kids show.
And so far, it was going like gang-busters. Management had scheduled it during the pledge drive and it had brought in the bucks. Now it was airing every day - on her shift. Added to the rest of the sappy children's programing it was enought to make her go nuts. Or at least run out of the control room for another cup of coffee. Marcia made sure her next program was ready to play and before heading to the coffee machine.
In the hall she meet Harry Devlin, the program manager. "So what do you think of the new show?" he asked, bouncing up and down on his toes like a kid on too much candy.
"I've seen a lot of bad children's shows," she replied, "like 'Wet Paint Alley'* and 'Peppyland'* but this one's technically very good. The video's shot well, the kids might have talent, and the editing is first rate. But it's still an annoyingly cutesy program."
Harry's face lit up like a beacon. "That's what I thought! Except without the annoying. Don't you like the messages? I think keeping the world clean is good and spreading the message of goodwill to all, especially little animals, is so important in these troubled times. And catchy music..."
"I suppose," she said as they entered the break room with its much-used coffee machine.
"But ecology is a lot more than just loving each other and little furry animals." She emptied the basket of grounds, put in a new filter and opened up two packets of premeasured grounds. "There's a lot of stuff that the that the show is just glossing over," she said, pouring the contents of both packets into the basket.
"Well it *is* a kid's show."
"And like most kid's shows it treats kids like they're *stupid*," she opined and hit the 'BREW' button.
"That's not a very nice thing to say," he replid, viewing the gurgling machine with suspicion. "You know, drinking that much coffee can't be good for you."
"My only vice," she muttered as she waited for the water to drip through, "is too much coffee."
"And wearing dead animal skins," Harry said wrinkling his nose.
She fingered her leather jacket. "It gets *cold* in Master Control." She looked down at his shoes. "Aren't those patent leather?"
"We should have something better to offer the employees than coffee," Devlin said thoughtfully, avoiding her question. "Well, I've got a lunch date. Catch you later!" He left the small break room.
She waved briefly and gazed out one of the few windows in the building. Outside, she could see the small park and wooded area behind the television station. It was one of the things she liked about the Binghamton area; you could go almost anywhere and see trees. On nice days a few of the station personel would eat their lunch out on the picnic tables.
She sighed. Not her. She was tied with a short leash to the operating console by fuzzy video displays, cranky tape machines, and a busy programing schedule. You never knew when an older machine would decide to eat a video tape...
But Harry was out there on this cold spring day! She shook her head. Sometimes she thought the man wasn't all there. From the window she watched as he opened up the lunch pail, pulled out half a head of lettuce and laid it on the ground. Almost on cue a black and white rabbit hopped out from the brush and approached the food. She frowned. Something was wrong with the picture and she wasn't sure what.
But the aroma of extra-strong coffee called to her and she left the window to grab her brew and head back to TV Master.
*barely disguised names of actual programs
President Mellow Ears hopped into his executive chair and playfully spun around on in it. "Show me," he said when he came to a stop.
The marketing bun adjusted her Wynn Fashion Glasses(tm), "We have these 'Happy Friendly Folks' t-shirts," and she held up a child sized shirt with the faces of the cast in front. "And on the back..." she turned it around to display a bright blue globe with the words 'We here!' printed around it. "100% cotton of course."
"Nice work," Mellow Ears approved, "But the cast will change over time. Won't that date the shirt?"
"Of course!" <obviousfluff> "As first season items they'll be very collectable. Along with the Happy Hats and first season posters. And each new season there will be new products to be kept up with. But that's just the tip of the iceberg," she declared and brought out a bunny plushy. "The Professor Bunny Toys are guaranteed to be a hit."
<excitedpoofle> "Oh yes! Collectable plushies! We'll make a fortune!" Mellow Ears bounced in his chair. "Can we make them talk and respond to the TV like the purple dinosaur Actimates(tm) did?"
"Er.. response to that was mixed," she replied, "but we could leave room inside the plushy for... interesting electronics."
"I like the way you think." Mellow Ears turned to face the bungineers. "Interesting electronics?"
"We could put in a music chip," offered a bungineer, "that would double as a radio receiver. Then we could beam subliminal messages to it to be played while the child's asleep."
"Far-out! How's the computer game coming?"
"Great!" one geek bun bounced, "we've mixing an adventure game with a puzzle game. We slip in lots of ecological stuff so we can market it as an 'edutainment' game. And if you enter in the right codes..."
"Which will be up on our website," another bungineer interjected.
"... you get hints from Professor Bunny!" the first one finished.
"Groovy tunes!" Mellow Ears declared and turned to the final group of bunnies. "How's the test group doing?"
The psych bun cleared his throat. "Just by watching the show we're getting a 10 to 15 percent increase in susceptibility to cutons."
"Can we get more?" Mellow Ears asked hungrily.
"We think so," the psych bun responded cautiously. "We may have to do a little editing..."
"Pull out all the stops!" Mellow Ears proclaimed. "Let's give those monkey kids the education they've been needing."
He gleefully spun around in his chair. "Teach them to be cute, teach them to be fluffy... but most of all teach them to Trust the Bunny!"
Les scrubbed his hands and went to work. Joining a group of dentists had been a smart move for him; he had come to a place that had its own billing, legal services, roster of patients and several fully-equipped dental offices.
He entered one of the rooms with a smile. "How are you doing today, Debbie?"
A small child sat in the large chair, looking very much like she was trying to look even smaller. In her arms she held a large stuffed bunny. "Tooth hurty," she whispered.
"Well, let's see if we can fix that," he said softly to her.
"Is it going to hurt?" she replied trying disappear into the chair.
"It might," Les said honestly, "It's different with every person. But your tooth will hurt less in a few days if I can work on it now, and a lot more if I'm not."
Debbie solemnly considered it. "Oh-kay," she said.
Les nodded. "Then I'll fix that tooth." He pointed to the stuffie that she held with a death grip. "And who's your friend?"
"He's Professor Bunny," she replied and squeezed him, "and he's wise and wonderful. I trust him," and she nodded rapidly.
"Is that from a television show?"
"Uh-huh." She started to sing, very off-key.
/Hap-py Friendly Folks//Laugh and making jokes//We drink our sister's coke//'cause we're Happy Friendly Folks/
"That's very silly," he said.
"Yeah, but I like it, especially Professor Bunny!"
"You can tell me about it later, but right now I need you to open wide..."
Twenty minutes later Les was finished and took a moment to stretch. Another child had mentioned the television series with a bunny as a main character; that made three just that day.
They'd better check it out.
Gina sat uncomfortably in Les's car as they drove to the television station. Les had been extremely withdrawn ever since her grandmother had outed her to him. He wasn't hostile; Les was just as polite as he always was - even more so. And he wasn't ignoring her... in fact, she could tell he was very aware of her being close to him. Damn him, she thought, if he wasn't so reserved she might have figured out that he was in love with her.
In silence they pulled into the parking lot. The building looked like one of the old single-story brick schools that had been hastily thrown up to deal with the Baby Boom. She knew the type well, and bet the roof leaked every time it rained hard. To one side a group of large satellite dishes sat, incongruous in the residental neighborhood. Whether there really was some devilbunny activity going on here... Matrix had taken his suspicions to Phong and the commander had agreed that at least they should check it out.
Les stopped the rusty Cavalier and looked over the building. "Take your time interviewing the manager; I'll check out the woods."
Gina nodded. "I'm hoping that I can talk to others in the facility."
He nodded quickly and turned to leave.
"Les?"
He looked back at her, his eyes shuttered.
"Could I have a sourball?"
A smile quirked briefly on his lips. He reached into his bag of candy and handed one to her. "Be careful," he whispered and left the car: his trenchcoat flapping in the cold spring wind.
The manager of the television station was more than happy to give a few minutes of his time to talk about Public Broadcasting to a college business student. Gina had to smile a little at her 'cover' since, after all, she _was a college business student. He especially proud of their new show 'Happy Friendly Folks' and how he hoped it would bring in needed revenue for the station. As he ran down the numbers for her she was surprised at how little the station expected to receive.
She found the manager as persuasive in person as he always was during the semi-annual pledge drives, and soon found herself talking to the volunteer coordinator, Helen Strode. The coordinator, happy to see a fresh face, even offered her a brief tour of the station.
So far, Gina had found only hard working dedicated people - no fluffiness here. Except for the children's programing, she silently amended, as she passed by posters of odd creatures with TVs in their bellies, and happy dinosaurs. Then there were the *new* posters for 'Happy Friendly Folk' with smiling children faces and animal puppets surrounding a globe. She wouldn't have given it a second glance but - was that a bunny in there? This one _definitely_ needed to be looked into.
A sign on a door caught her other eye. "Master Control?" she asked Helen.
"Oh, that's where all the shows are broadcast from," Helen replied. "Let me poke my head in there and see if Marcia has a moment..."
The room was very cool and had several racks of large tape reels on one end. In the middle sat several monsterous tape machines; super-sized models of her father's ancient reel-to-reel tape deck. At the far end was a console that looked like something out of Star Wars, except dirtier.
Banks of monitors displayed half a dozen different videos. There was also a rack of other tape decks and in front of them all was a woman dressed in jeans, leather jacket, and motorcycle boots. She was holding a large video cassette with one hand and adjusting some kind of oscilliscope with the other. She looked over at them.
"What can I do you out of?" She asked with a smile.
"Marcia, this is our new volunter, Gina," Helen said. "Could you tell her what goes on here?"
"Sure thing." As she approached them, Gina smelled the enticing aromas of leather, coffee and some kind of exotic cologne and she felt her knees weaken.
Oh my.
Gina watched the woman move about the console as she briefly explained the equipment surrounding them. While she was talking, Marcia set up the next program, carefully tweaked a group of knobs, and skimmed through some paperwork. Gina blinked at this competent, raven-haired woman. A woman engineer, a woman outside the standard gender roles...
"It was nice meeting you, Gina," Marcia laid her warm brown eyes upon her. "I guess I'll see you around."
Gina gulped. "Er... yes, thanks for the tour." She walked out a little breathless, her original mission all but forgotten.
Matrix surveyed the woods behind the television station. It appeared to extend over several acres and eventually connected with wild area that surrounded the Susquehanna River.
He popped another sourball in his mouth. The tartness, the trenchcoat and the Grease Gun all helped Les maintain the persona of Agent Matrix. It was only in this armor of a hardened Fudd that he could keep his own personal pain in check. He was in love with Gina, but she would never return that love, though she struck a chord in his heart as few other women ever had.
Then there was his sister... his ex-sister. He'd always watched over her and protected her, but he had failed her. His cute, adorable little sister... who had been seduced by the power of ky00t and converted into a devilbunny.
Now rage fueled his hunt for the fluffers.
He picked his way through the brush, searching for the telltale signs of bunny infestation. He paused and knelt carefully to examine the ground before him...
-----
Below ground, BlueWhisker stared into the periscope. "EEEP!"He <alarmfluff>ed. "It's Trenchcoat!"
"WHAT!" exclaimed Patch, a black and white bun. "Let me see, let me see!" He hopped over to the periscope. "Pellets! He found the latrine!"
"He'll find an entrance any moment! Call the alarm! We can have reinforcements here..."
"You'll do nothing!" Patch retorted with a stern <furrruff>.
"But he's alone! We could swarm him..."
"And break the treaty? You wanna breathe vanilla gas? Idiot! Didn't you read his dossier? He *never* fights alone. The Stick is up there somewhere..." he rotated the periscope. "...count on it. As long as he stays above ground and we stay below everything will be fine."
"But..." BlueWhisker <eartwitched> "He's suspicious."
"Then let's not confirm his suspicions," Patch replied. He reached for the telephone. "I'll just contact my symp and cancel our meetings for a time. And no one goes out from now on." <stomp!>
"Frith, it's a long way to a Pellet Palace."
Patch shrugged. "We can get in a Porta-Palace."
<nosewrinkle> "What's the monkey doing now?"
"He's still looking around ... Now he's walking away." <relievedpoofle> "Ha! Looks like Mr. Tenchcoat isn't so great after all. He missed the entrance. He's circling around now."
-----
Above ground, Matrix paused and scanned the area carefully. Once more he caught a glint of something shiny, a piece of metal or glass peeking above the brush. He turned away from it and grinned evilly. Ordinary rabbits also leave droppings and have burrows, but only devilbunnies use periscopes....
"Catch you later," Marcia said waving to Gina. Marcia thought the new volunteer was a nice kid - curious about everything in the station, including her job. It was nice that *someone* took an interest in what went on behind the scenes.
"Free at last! Free at last!" Marcia said jokingly as she exited the building. Her shift was over and she was heading home, where she planned to go into the bedroom, throw herself onto her bed and lie there drinking in the silence. And hope that she could get those jingles out of her head.
In the car she uconsciously began to tap the steering wheel. Then the music came burbling up in her mind...
/Haaaapy Frien-dly Folk!/
"Oh man..." She flicked on the radio. It was tuned to the local Rock station and crunching guitars soon shredded the giggling music that seemed to stick in her mind like gooey caramel between teeth.
When she got to her apartment she found her boyfriend home though his shift didn't normally end 'till later. "Johnny? Whatca' doing home so early?" she asked concerned.
"Ack, my back again." He said from the couch and waved an icepack at her. "The boss said take it easy and be in tomorrow."
"You should be more careful," she scolded affectionately and turned toward the kitchen, "How about I fix you a snack? It smells like someone burned some toast ..." and stopped, seeing another person in the house. She turned to look at Johnny.
"What's he doing here?" she said quietly, her anger making her words sharp as knives.
"Rip? Come on Marcia, Rip and I go back years."
"Those were pretty bad years," Marcia replied.
"Those years are _over_," Johnny said, slowly getting off the couch. He embraced her. "Like I said, you and me together... we get clean, we stay clean."
"Having Rip Darson around won't help," she said softly.
"Ah, he's clean now. It'll be okay." He kissed her. "Why don't you lie down for a bit, you look frazzled. Go play with your computers for a while."
"Sounds good," she said, turning away. "I could use a little quiet time. Damn children's programs..."
She went into the bedroom, squeezed past her collection of computers and odd video gear and reclined on the bed.
"Johnny," she whispered as tears formed in her eyes, "You're lying to me."
She stared at the ceiling and wondered how long she'd have before she'd have to leave him. Or what old habits would rise to the surface first.
She wiped the tears from her face and looked over her small stash of electrical components with unhappy plans.
Phong, Gina, and Les sat in the back of Phong's anonymous white van.
"What did you find?" Phong asked as he turned the radio up. Led Zepplin's 'When the Levy Breaks' pounded out of the speakers.
"We know the buns have an observation post really close to the broadcast station," Les reported.
"And we know that the station broadcasts several shows that would break a cuton meter," Gina added. "And some of the shows have bunnies in them."
She grimaced. "Although that's not unusual for children's programming."
Phong nodded. "But we have no direct proof of bun involvement, no hard evidence - just your suspicions."
"Come on, Phong," Les protested, "where's there's bunnies, there's trouble. We should hit them... "
"And what good would attacking the post do?" Phong replied sternly. "It wouldn't end their meddling; it would just let them know that we're on to them. No, if they have their paws in the station we have to find a way to actually stop them."
"The question is, how?" Les moved restlessly in his seat. "At the moment, all we can do is sit and watch. Keep an eye on things."
"I'm volunteering at the station. Maybe I can get an inside track on things," Gina say hopefully.
"Good." Phong nodded, "Though you'd better ease off the patrols around the station. We don't want to make them suspicious."
"How about we increase our patrols all over?" Les asked, "And make it look like it's just part of a general increase in our surveilance?"
"Good thinking, Young Matrix," Phong smiled at him. "Secrecy and Deceit."
"Go to it."
President Mellow Ears leaned back in his chair. "So what's the latest on Trenchcoat and Company?"
"Fudd Agents Stick and Matrix have been sighted all over the place," a chocolate colored bunny with a black beret replied. "I think their appearance two weeks ago at our television station was just part of their patrols. Although we have a new volunteer at the station who fits Stick's description."
"What's our symp... ah, Harry think?" <queryfluff>
<shrugfluff> "He says she's a business student at the local college. Helpful, pleasant."
"What kind of footwear does she sport? Steel toed?"
"No. Sneakers."
"Doesn't sound very Fuddly to me," Mellow Ears replied. "I'm not going to worry about it. But tell Harry to keep an eye on her and to try and" <twitchear> "tone it down for the moment."
Mellow Ears turned to the video monitors. "How's that shaking with you?"
Don 'Bouncy' Coniglio <furruffed>. "We've seen those two. We warned them off too."
"Oh yeah," Mellow Ears chortled, "how many got 'gooed'? You should really stop picking the most twitchy buns to be guards, you know."
From his screen Bouncy glared back. "I've got reasons for my actions."
"Oh, I'm sure you do, my man," Mellow Ears <amusedfluffed>.
On another video screen Lori Whitepaw <clearthroatfurrruffled>. "Gentlebuns, I suggest we stay on topic? President Mellow Ears, your SecBun has confirmed what I've expected: the Fudds are checking up on us. We have the advantage of being mostly below ground so most of what we do is out of sight. But I suggest we exercise caution in this matter."
Bouncy gave her a hard look. "So what about those squirrels you've been bribing? Have they found out anything about the Fudds?"
"They say it's very difficult to follow them once they get into their car." <shrugpoofle> "Squirrels really aren't very intelligent you know."
Mellow Ears nodded, wondering what the white doe was holding back something. "Well, we haven't been doing anything to break the treaty have we? No milbuns, no military supplies, no Omega weapon research, yadda yadda yadda?"
"None whatsoever," Lori <poofled> back.
"Are you nuts?" Bouncy exclaimed, "not after the beating we took."
"Then we are in agreement? We relax, we chill, we have a beer, and let the Fudds run about in circles." <fangygrin> "Completely clueless."
<perkears> "Now that you put it that way," Bouncy nodded, "I like it. Northside out." His monitor went blank.
Mellow Ears turned to Lori. "That bun is way too uptight."
"I must agree." <poofle>. "How is our little project doing?"
"We've got viewers!" Mellow Ears spun around in his chair, "We've got pledges! 'Happy Friendly Folks' is going great guns! My symp tells me they're going approach PBS with it as soon as season two hits the air. And I have you to thank for it."
<pleasedpoofle> "I can't take all the credit. We had a team of writers both bunny and symp crafting the scripts. With the backing of Public Broadcasting, this will help spread Fluffiness all across America. And someday, the world..."
Les grimaced as he drove up to Gina's house. She'd called minutes ago and was crying hard. He heard her father yelling obcenities in the background at her and told her he'd be there as soon as he could.
He parked the car in front of her house and dashed through the cold spring rain.
She was waiting for him the porch. "Oh God, Les," she sobbed, "I didn't want this to happen."
He looked at her bruised face and his blood boiled. "Your father did this?" he said through his teeth.
"He was drunk.... It's just a black eye."
"He had no right," he said, and looked at the meager pile of clothes and school books lying on the porch. "Let's get your stuff."
The door to the house flung open. "So you called one of your fag friends..." Gina's father shouted. "Good. I don't want your perverted ass around!" He spat on her.
Then he looked at Les. "You! I should have known. I oughta bust you up you little homo..." and he took a swing at him.
"Dad! No!" Gina screemed as Les dodged the blow. Les cursed mentally. All his training was for fighting devilbunnies, not other people!
He backpedaled as the heavier man swung mightly at him. Les knew he couldn't take to many direct hits, even in the armored trenchcoat. Only timing and speed would save him. He sprang forward and slugged the older man in the face, then used the momentum to step around him. Before the older man could turn Les popped him in the back of the head. "Let's not dance," Les said through his teeth as the other dropped to one knee.
"Get out..." he growled as he tried to stand.
"Gladly," and he savagely kicked the man in the stomach with his steel-toed boot. "No need to get up. We can carry this," and he scooped up Gina's books. "We'll be back for the rest of her stuff latter."
"You shouldn't have kicked him," Gina said as they loaded the car.
"He shouldn't have tried to get up," Les replied tersely as sat behind the wheel. Then he sighed. "I guess coming out to your family didn't go very smoothly."
Gina stared out the rain-streaked windshield. "He came right out and asked me. He knew. I think he's been suspicious for a long time. I couldn't lie to him."
Les pulled a few tissues out from his coat and handed them to her. "Well, I hear it goes that way... sometimes."
Gina blew her nose. "Les... I hate to ask... but could I stay at your place for a little while?"
"As long as you need," he said gently. "We'll be able to get more training in."
He swallowed a lump in his throat. "After all, I've got two empty bedrooms. And an attic full of squirrels."
"Oh dear," Gina said, "I'd forgotten about that. Maybe I should go to the 'Y' instead."
"Maybe I'll join you," he grunted.
Marcia looked startled at Gina when she came into Master Control. "Whoa. Who hit you?"
"My father," Gina said, embarrassed. "He didn't take too well to the fact that..." she glanced around furtively, "that I don't like boys," she whispered.
"Oh." Marcia bit her lip.
"Please don't tell anyone else," Gina whispered, "I don't feel I can trust too many people with this."
Marcia nodded. "I understand. Are you safe?"
"Yes. Thanks," Gina said with a wave of her hand. "Dad was drinking and he took it pretty hard. I didn't tell him, he sorta figured it out. Then he threw me out of the house."
"No excuse," Marcia muttered. "I guess riding home with me on my motorcycle last week gave him major clues. With all the leather and stuff half the time people think I'm gay."
Gina blinked. "You're not?"
"Not lately," Marcia muttered and scanned the video monitors. "Been living with a guy for a number of years..." her voice trailed off, "But I don't know how much longer we'll stay together. I think he's picked up some bad habits again."
She looked at Gina with conviction. "I used to party-hardy. Then I used to party-daily. Then hourly. But I quit drinking and smoking... but Johnny's been hanging around with his old dope buddies and trying to hide the fact that he's smoking weed again."
She shook her head. "As for women," she shrugged, "Well, there was history years ago... " she trailed off and looked at Gina with concern. "You got a place to stay?"
"Yes. A friend is letting me stay at his house."
"Ah. Good." She scanned the board again, her eyes restless. "Are you sure you should be volunteering right now? I mean, you must be in shock."
"I need keep busy," Gina said, blinking away tears.
"Okay." Marcia checked one of the many scopes and turned back to her. "Next program is set up, and we've got ten minutes before it hits. Let's go for coffee and tea."
Gina managed a shy smile. "Sure."
They walked to the break room but had to stop at the doorway. "What the frell is going on?" Marcia exclaimed as she saw a group of workers wheeling in a new vending machine.
"New contract," A skinny guy with the name tag 'Sid' smiled at them. "You're getting a new Snapple(tm) dispenser."
"Where're you going to fit it?" she waved a hand towards the break room. "There's not a lot of room in there."
"Oh, we just removed the coffee set up."
"YOU TOOK OUT THE *COFFEE* MACHINE?!"
Marcia looked at 'Sid' like a woman gone mad. "I get here at six in the morning!" Her voice rose. "I NEED MY COFFEE!"
"Try a Snapple in the morning instead," Sid suggested perkily. "It's a real pick-me-up!"
He walked away whistling the opening music from "Happy Friendly Folks."
"My coffee..." Marcia moaned.
Gina patted her on the arm. "I guess it's a bad day for us both."
"Come on, come on, get those lights ready <stomp>!" shouted Director Hare. "This shouldn't take us all day. Where's Tansy?" He looked around the studio. "Ah... there she is!" <pleasurefurruff> "There's my little ky00tie pie. Ready for your close-up?"
Tansy <noddled>. "Can we do this quickly?" <impatientfluff> "I really have to get back to my studies."
"Sure, kid, sure! Just one more shot of you coming out of the bushes..."
"But we already did that shot six times!"
"Yeah, kid, and now we need to do it again. You can do it, can't you?"
She *sighpoofled* as the director led her to the set which duplicated a woodland scene. Being in television wasn't nearly as much fun as it sounded.
"Right over here." He held up a pawheld light meter and checked the readings.
"Russet!" he yelled upwards, "Move that spot over a bit!"
"Gotcha!" called a techbun from the maze of cables and lights from above. The light intensified on Tansy's position.
The director checked the meter. "Excellent! One last check." He held another meter up. "No, no, still not ky00t enough," he muttered, scanning the set.
"Holly, Ivy, lose the evergreen and bring back the maple tree." Two stage buns pulled a cart that held a small pine tree off the set and replaced it with a maple tree.
Hare checked the cuton meter again, "Better. Places everyone!" He put on a headset and sat next to a large TV set displaying the set.
"Zoom in a little, Camera One. Good. Roll tape!"
"Tape is rolling," a techbun announced through the headset.
"And in five... four... three... two... one... action!"
From the bushes there came a gentle rustle and Tansy leisurely hopped out and twitched an ear. <!fluff!>
"Cut! Let's see the playback." The director peered intently at the tape of Tansy's fluffing. "Great! Perfect! This will knock the kids' socks off!"
"Are we done?" Tansy <queryfluffed>.
"Sure, kid, sure." <Expansiveruffle>. "You're a natural. You stick with me and I'll make you a star. We'll spin off a new show. I can see it now..." He waved his paw in the air. "Tansy's Funhouse. Whaddya say?"
Tansy pondered for a moment. "Hmmm... Well," <poofle> "You know I'm losing a lot of time from my schooling for this. I'm gonna need extra tutoring to keep up. Maybe a senior?" <earperk>.
"For you, kid, I'll get the Back Burrow Buns."
<!excitedfluff!>
Director Hare hopped down to the video editting room. "Well, how's the next season progressing?"<queryfluff>
One of the two vidtechs looked up from the banks of monitors. "Just keep the tape coming and we'll have a new season in the can before you know it." <assurefluff> "Let me show you a segment." He manipulated some buttons on a video switcher. The other techbun operated a small audio mixing board.
On a large television screen a semi-wooded scene appeared. Every tree, every bush, every blade of grass was carefully laid out to be as appealing as possible. A half dozen children of all races gathered around a clump of bushes. "Oh, Professor Bunny!" they sang out sweetly.
Up from the brush came an <adorable> puppet of a bunny with wire rimmed glasses. Soft, pleasent music came burbling out of the speakers. "Ah, hello children. How are you today?"
The director nodded. "Is that the new music? Nice. I really like how this is going together. I don't know what kind of magic you buns are doing in editing, but that puppet looks better than on the set."
"Keep up the good work!" He hopped out the door.
When he was gone, one video techbun look looked at the other. "Told you he'd never notice. And if he can't, no monkey can."
(Children singing over video of nature scenes)
/... all the forests and the animals//We all pledge to defend//They are our pals//They are our friends/
(Music soars as the video shows small furry animals)
/They are our pals.../
(Video zooms in on a particularly cute bunny)
/They are our friends./
<fluff!>
"I think I'm going to be ill," Marcia said to no one in particular. She sipped the cold coffee from her thermos and watched the end credits roll for another episode of "Happy Friendly Folks".
It had been over a week since they'd pulled the coffeemaker out of the break room and a definite malaize had set in about the station. Some employees were going without their coffee fix, but most were bringing it in from home. And though she had to admit that the few Snapples(tm) she'd had were tasty, they just didn't satisfy like a good cup of coffee.
Almost without thinking she switched air signal from one tape to the next, moving seamlessly from one source of video to another. With one eye on the clock she clicked the right switches to bring the station in sync with the network feed and start a record on another tape machine. She switched at the top of the hour and started to rewind "Happy Friendly Folks."
She frowned at the machine. She'd been talking with Gina about the show and they both agreed there was something... not quite right about it. Marcia's trained eye could spot video anomalies a casual viewer would overlook and she kept getting a nagging feeling about this show. In close-up shots of Professor Bunny the video levels would sometimes jump ever so slightly. That shouldn't normally happen, though it might just be poor editing or lighting but ... something about it just didn't feel kosher.
She reached over to another video tape machine and popped out a standard video cassette.
"I wonder how you'd look in slow motion." She eyed the copy of "Happy Friendly Folks" and flipped the cassette between her fingers.
"Maybe I should digitize you and check you out frame by frame..." She stashed the cassette in her tool kit. "When I get home."
Home was not a happy place lately with Johnny sneaking drugs behind her back. At least this would give her something else to think about for a while.
Gina knew something was wrong the moment she set foot in the apartment building. Johnny greeted her at the door. "Hon, I've got bad news. We've been robbed."
"Oh my goddess," she sucked in a breath. "Let me see."
"They got the TV, the tape deck, your computers..." Johnny said sadly. "They must have broken in while I was out..."
Marcia looked about the apartment. The TV and VCR were gone and in her bedroom two of her three computers were missing - all things she owned and brought into the relationship. She stepped back in the living room.
"They didn't take the stereo," she observed, looking at the one major thing Johnny owned.
"I guess they didn't have time," Johnny suggested. "I found half the cords unplugged when I came home. They must have heard me coming and ran."
"Lucky us," she muttered. "The cops been here?"
"Oh yeah, I gave them a statement. The said they probably couldn't find anything, ever."
"I can find my computer," Marcia said firmly, clenching her fist. "I can go onto the Internet from the police station and 'ping' my system remotely." She watched his reaction carefully. "It will send back the phone number and the cops can trace it from there."
Johnny turned white. "You can do that?" he said weakly.
Marcia nodded in unwanted, painful satisfaction.
"So," she said softly crossing her arms, "you want to tell me what really happened?"
"What are you talking about?"
She walked into the bedroom with Johnny tagging along. "You know those really tiny video cameras? The ones we saw on that TV show? I bought one just for fun. And remember that broken VCR that had video but no sound?"
Flipping her hair behind her she pulled out a drawer from her dresser and started tossing clothes on the bed. "I set them up together with a motion detector... and stuck them in my sock drawer. A click came from the dresser and she produced a video tape. She waved the tape defiantly under his nose. "Wanna see who's on it?"
He lunged at the tape but she snatched it out of reach. "Don't lie to me!" she yelled. "I can smell the smoke on your clothes! You took my stuff and sold it for dope!" She glared angerly at him. "Now I don't care who has it. All I want to know is how much will it take to get my stuff back?"
Johnny shuffled his feet. "About seven hundred dollars."
"Okay," Marcia breathed, "I can do this..."
She passed a hand through her hair.
"I can do this."
"I'm beginning to feel like a knight in shining armour," muttered Les as he placed another bowl of his homemade stew into the microwave, "Rescueing damsels in distress."
"She's not in distress," Gina replied she buttered up some cornbread. "She just needs a safe place to store her stuff until she finds an new place to live."
"Can we trust her?" Les asked, giving Gina a hard look.
"We may have too," Gina said. "If the bunnies have taken over the station we need someone inside. And she's suspicious of 'Happy Friendly Folks' too."
He nodded. "That show's got bunnies written all over it. But so do a lot of other shows. We need harder evidence."
Gina took the steaming bowl out of the microwave and placed it on a tray with the other bowls and buttered cornbread. She carried it into the spare bedroom.
"Stew's on," Les announced as they entered. "How's everything?"
Marcia was sitting on the floor surrounded by computers and video gear. "Okay," she said, sounding distracted. "I just want to make sure everything works."
She sniffed and smiled slightly, "Oh, that smells good. Did you make it, Gina?"
"No, Les did," Gina replied as she sat down at Marcia's right.
Marcia looked up at Les her eyes wide. "You're a doctor and you can cook?"
"Dentist. Pedodontist to be exact."
"You take care of kid's teeth, huh? Well, I broadcast kid's TV," she grimaced. "Lucky me."
"Is that 'Happy Friendly Folks'?" He was looking at the television. "Shouldn't it be moving?"
"Oh... er," Marcia bit her lip. "I need something to occupy my mind for a bit. There's something wierd about this show," she remarked picking up the remote control, "and I'm hoping to find out what by viewing it in slow motion. I won't stay long. I'll probably stay at the YWCA or something..."
Gina gave Les a pleading look but Les was staring at the TV screen. "No, no. Take your time," he said quietly. "Let me join you ladies."
"If you want to want to watch slo-mo cute be my guest," Marcia said and patted the space on her left.
He sat cross legged near her. "Some of my kids rave about this show," Les replied, "So I'd like to know if there's something... not right about it."
She returned to the tape. "I keep seeing this slight video glitch around the scenes with Professor Bunny," she explained. She manipulated the remote control. "I thought if I took it frame by frame I could see what it was. It should be right about... " She pulled back from the screen. "What the frell..."
Flickering on the television screen were words in large letters:
THE BUNNY IS YOUR FRIEND
TRUST THE BUN
"... Some kind of in-joke?" Marcia wondered.
Les and Gina stared at each other. "We'll be back in a moment," Les said and the two left the room.
"That's the proof we've been looking for!" He said softly.
"Can we bring her in?" Gina's voice almost begged, "How can we tell her?"
Les said pursing his lips. "She won't believe us. She'll just think we're nut cases."
He paused. "Evidence. We'll give her evidence."
"Like what?"
Les snapped his fingers. "The squirrels. We'll have Leftie tell her."
"Oh dear... "
"The mall is now closing..." the PA system gently echoed. "Please move to the nearest exit..."
Les and Gina looked tensely at Marcia. She'd only said two words after they'd told her about the War: "Prove it."
After Leftie explained it to her said only one, "Coffee."
Leaving the squirrel behind, they drove to the local mall with Marcia in the back seat, her arms crossed and would only respond by shaking her head. They bought her a MegaMug at the local coffee bar and she pounded it down before she said her next word: "More."
Now she stood slowly sipping from second cup just outside the coffee shop as people moved past them to the mall exit.
"Right." She finally said and started walking. Les and Gina followed her to the Pet Palace and where she stared at the furry animals behind the glass. "Just like them," she said without looking at the two humans beside her.
"Yes, like them," Gina said as they all stared at the bunnies. One hopped up to the glass and <wigglenosed> them.
"Next you'll tell me those have talk shows," Marcia said, tossing her head towards the hamsters in the next enclosure. One stood up on its hind legs to look at them. "Cheeble," it squeeked.
"Not that I know of of," Les replied. "Shall we go?"
The three walked out the doors. "And your sister got turned into one of them?" Marcia asked softly as they passed by people with their shopping bags.
Les stared stonily at her. "I saw her... in between."
"By the Great Green Goddess," Marcia whispered and took a long drink.
"Okay." She took a deep breath. "They're out there. Evil, twisted, toe-eating bunnies trying to twist the minds of our children by putting subliminal messages into childrens' programs."
"At MY station?" She finished her coffee and crumpled the cup. "I don't think so!"
"Think we can stop them?" Gina asked hopefully.
"Oh yeah," and she rubbed her hands together. "Let's get ready to rumble."
"You'll need to be trained," Gina replied, "Fighting fluffers is pretty specialized. But we could do it. Les is training me."
They reached the car and Marcia turned to Les. "Well, sergeant," she said with a mock salute, "Your latest recruit is reporting for duty."
"This is no joke," Les said coldly. "This is deadly business." He frowned. "We'll start training tomorrow."
"Maybe she could stay at the house," Gina suggested. "Half her stuff is there already."
Les nodded slowly and extended his hand to Marcia. "Welcome to the War."
"I promise, this only take a minute," Marcia said as she connected up the video cable to the 48 inch flat screen. "But I wanted to use the big monitor to get the full effect."
Harry Devlin looked at her suspiciously. "What I want to know is what's the big deal? I mean, 'Happy Friendly Folks' wasn't meant for High Definition TV."
"Here I am!" The president of the station announced as he came in the door carrying a Starbuck's take-out cup. "Oooh! It's rather brisk in here. It must be eighty-five degrees outside. So what's so important?"
"Gentlemen," Marcia announced, "you see here in my hand the broadcast copy of yesterday's 'Happy Friendly Folks'. She displayed the tape. "Notice that it is the only thing hooked up to the monitor."
She inserted the tape into the video tape machine and fast-forwarded it. "Observe..." she said as started the tape.
The video shows two children arguing.
"But it's my turn!"
"No it's my turn!"
A third child enters the scene. "Wait, let's ask Professor Bunny," he says seriously.
"Okay," the combatants agree.
The scene cuts to some forest footage and then to a well-designed forest set.
"Professor Bunny?" the children call out, "are you here?"
From behind a 'rock' comes a large handpuppet of a black and white bunny wearing wire-rimmed glasses.
<clearthroat> "Is there a problem, children?"
"Now watch this next part," Marcia said as she moved a large knob on the tape machine, slowing the speed of the video to a crawl. She had to suppress a large grin when Harry gasped as the damning words appeared, writ very large, upon the king-sized monitor.
TRUST THE BUNNY
ALWAYS BELIEVE THE BUNNY
She left the machine on that still. "I've found stuff like this on every "Happy Friendly Folks" episode we've aired. Now I don't know what it means or why it's there, but I think we could be in a hell of a lot of trouble broadcasting subliminal messages to children."
The president stared in disbelief at the screen. Then he rubbed his eyes. "Marcia, can you make copies of all the tape that have this..." he pointed to the screen, "on them? And mark the places where this... happens? And record the still frames on another tape?"
"Can do." She nodded briskly.
He rubbed his eyes again. "I've got to have a long talk with our lawyers on this one," he sighed.
"There's one other thing," Marcia said.
"Now what?" he asked frowning with his entire body.
"I have here a petition," and she produced a sheet of paper with dozens of names, "Asking that the coffee machine be restored."
The president brightened. "Oh!"
He accepted that paper, pulled out a pen from his suit coat and added his signature. "With this we can get it done," he said, almost happy.
Then he looked at Devlin. "Well, this thing sure turned around and bit us in the butt," he said tiredly. And walked out of the room.
Harry Devlin stood white faced at the monitor with the hidden words now brought to sunlight. Marcia stood next to him. Although she wanted to make comments about being inserted into little blue cans she remembered Matrix's lecture on secrecy and deceit.
"Too bad," she said to Harry, "it *was* a nice show. Much better produced than some of the stuff we air."
"I've... got to go..." he said weakly and scurried out of the room.
Alone now, Marcia sneered at the frozen image. "To Rend and Defend," she said smugly.
Once again Bluewhisker found himself on watch, peering into the periscope when a dreaded figure came into view. "Patch! It's Trenchcoat!" <alarmpoofle> "And he's brought company!"
Patch came running up to the scope. "Let me see, let me see..."
He looked into the viewer. "That's them; Agent Matrix and Agent Stick. We haven't seen them tramping around here in months. Now what are they up to?"
He followed their progress as the two moved through the forest above them. "They look like they might be searching for us. Good thing we've stayed inside." <amusedfluff> "They'll look all they want but they'll never find... wait, I think some else is up there."
He turned the periscope around. His view was quickly blocked and he felt the earth shudder above him. "What the Frith?" he exclaimed as the periscope was slowly ripped out of his paws and ascended up through the ceiling. Bits of dirt rained down on them as the periscope was pulled out of the ground. Patch and Bluewhisker looked nervously up through the hole in their roof.
A cannister the size of a beer can fell at their paws. It smelled of vanilla.
"RUN!" shouted Bluewhisker and hot-pawed it to the nearest open tunnel. Vanilla gas washed over him and he began to choke. He burst through the door and slammed it shut behind him, leaving him gasping for air. Then he looked up and realized he had taken the tunnel leading outside. A woman in dressed in black holding a hockey stick was regarding him in the same manner a golfer would an errant ball.
"Oh... <Pig-13>" he muttered.
!!!WHACK!!!
His flight was brief and his landing painful.
He lay groaning and hoping things won't get worse. Then he saw Matrix peering down on him. "Message for *your* happy friendly folks. Stay away from _my_ PBS station!"
Bluewhisker moaned. "I'll let them know."
"Close the doors, please," President Mellow Ears said to his Secbuns as he glared at the video production team. "Alright, who was the genius who put subliminals in the program?"
The half dozen bunnies shuffled uneasily until two hopped forward.
Mellow Ears tapped his claws on his desk. "Well?"
"You said, sir," one gulped nervously, "to pull out all the stops."
The president bowed his head and sighed. "So I did. But it just blew our chances of cool national exposure right out of the Frithin' Water!" <STOMP!>.
"But Mr. President," another production bun spoke up. "The cable networks might pick up the show. It would bring in more money..."
"Money was not the point!" <stomp!>
"A contract with PBS would have given us," he paused dramatically, "Respectibility. Over ninety percent of all household can recieve PBS. Cable networks don't cover half that. All those poor kids will never see Professor Bunny..."
He turned and waved to his Secbuns. "Take these two _losers_ away. I'll deal with them later. What a bummer this has been." He waved a paw and dismissed the rest.
Alone now, he grimly stared at his communications monitor. An indicator light had been lit for some time and he was loathe to answer it.
Finally he sighed and accepted the call. "Hello Lorrie."
"Mr. President," the white bunny replied, ever the vision of serenity, "I understand our little plan has been uncovered."
"Over-enthuasiastic video editors put subliminals in, and some monkey found them." He sighed. "And I was *so* looking forward to going toe-to-toe with the purple dinosaur."
"Ah. I hope you're not going to be too harsh on them. You've probably heard of Northside's experiment in extreme isolation."
Mellow Ears snorted. "I wonder what happened to the one that ran off to the Fouriers? Can you say, yeeeeech?"
"Never mind," Lorrie Whitetail <soothingfluffed>, "Let's pick up the pieces and try to salvage what we can. There's always Nickelodeon."
On his sunny front porch Les leaned back in his chair and flipped through the newspaper. "Here it is, 'Station removes popular children show from air, blames production company.'"
He looked up from the paper. "I take it the station is playing it close to chest?"
Marcia nodded and sipped her coffee. "They just want the whole thing to go away quietly. I don't know what kind of legal ramifications there'd be if anyone found out about the subliminal messages, but the bad press alone would ruin the station. And our friendly neighborhood symp has taken a leave of absence and good riddence to him."
She set down her cup and returned to cleaning a long dirty pipe. She looked through one end. "Nice optics."
Les looked curiously at the periscope. "Do you like your souvenir?"
"Yep," she replied. And grinned at him. "Give me a car jack and a place to stand and I'll move just about anything. We're just lucky they didn't have other sensors around."
He nodded. "We have to have every technological advantage if we're going to come out of this with our toes intact."
"Les? Do you mind if I stay here a while? Just until I can get back on my feet again?"
"Take all the time you need." He folded the paper. "I'm sorry about your breakup with your boyfriend."
Marcia waved it away. "I'll be okay. I have only myself to blame. I saw the signs of his drug use returning, and I turned a blind eye to it for too long. He hurt me," she sighed, "Yeah, hurt me bad. But I'll survive. And if I want revenge, I'll send the squirrels after him."
"You're a cruel woman."
She grinned at him. "Why thank you!"
Their conversation was interupted by the neighborhood children running by. They all laughed and sang off key:
/"Mean and ugly folks!/
/Drink and having smokes!/
/Give your face a poke!/
/'Cause we're mean and ugly folks!"/
Marcia looked up at Les's surprised face and chuckled. "It happens to every kid's show."
"Write what you know."
Many people put a part of themselves in each of their characters, or use themselves as a template for them. I've resisted this until New Programming. Marcia is in many ways like me: we have the same job, we drink too much coffee, we've had bad relationships and we play with electronics. But Marcia is not me. She's crazy enough to ride a motorcycle!
Running public television has exposed me to way too many hours of children's television and I've seen some real stinkers in my time. Some were badly produced, or badly written, or badly acted, or badly edited. Most were a combination of all of the above. But I have to admit most of what gets broadcasts on PBS is at least researched with kids in mind. As for popular children's programs being written by bunnies to ky00tify our kids... go watch a few and judge for yourself.
~JennyM
Originally published on alt.devilbunnies between July 29 and August 4, 2002.