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July 25, 2002
"Yes!" Hysop the Sysop danced down the corridor. <shakebuttshimmywigglehappydance> "I'm on the clique!"
It was the prize of the academic career; being asked to help break Bunnystumper. If anyone could, she told herself, she could. She was top-of-her-class, the Doe-to-Know, the best-of-the-best-of-the-best!
"And I *don't* have to be cute to boot!" she proclaimed as she went to her room.
'Spikey' Hawthorne was waiting for her. "Hey Hysop," he said as he turned away from his computer game. "Whatzup?" <questionfluff>.
"My advisor approved my attempt to crack BunnyStumper! Professor Silkie even got me a grant for a new computer and a private room to work in!" <bouncebounce>
"Right on Hys!" They slapped paws. Then he looked disappointed. "I guess I won't be seeing much of you for a while." <sadeyesblink>.
"I'm afraid you're right. But we'll still get together," she hopped alongside him. <cuddlefluff> "Not much now," <reassurefluff> "but once I've broken the code..."
Hysop had met many eligible bucks who were much ky00ter and smarter than Spikey, but he was very laid back and very sweet. He also brought pizza. She had plans for him; long term plans.
"But Hysop, buns have been at it since like, forever!" Spikey replied as he returned the cuddle.
"But I've got a cunning plan!" she said excitedly. "You know why we haven't broken the code yet?"
"Because the monkeys are more clever than we thought?" he said in deadpan honesty.
"No. Because we're *bunny* programmers. We have to think like monkey programmers. Eat what they eat, drink what they drink, read what they read. If we can get into their heads..."
"You'll be as mad as a Fourier," Spikey warned. "Not cool at all."
<Dismissivepuff> "We'll see about that."
August 2, 2002
Hysop barely heard the knocking at her door through her headsets. She popped them off and shouted, "Come in!"
Professor Silkie hopped in. "I just wanted to check in on you," he said. "Is everything satisfactory?"
"Sure!" She <pleasedfluff>ed and glanced around her new quarters. The latest computer sat on her desktop networked to the other team members. Code books and computer references were neatly shelved next to it. Scattered about the room were the latest issues of 'Wired', 'PC World' and '2600'. In the corner sat a fridge stocked with Snapple(tm) and Wynn's Super Shakes(tm). "I would like a few more special items."
"Ask and I'll see about obtaining it, but you should have all the computer equipment you need."
"Oh this isn't computer equipment," the Sysop replied. "I need to get into the head space of these monkey programmers. I'd like some ape music... 'Staind', 'Green Day' would be good for starters, and I'll need some Mountain Dew(tm) soda, bags of spicy corn chips... "
The professor held up a paw. "Did you just say, Mountain Dew?"
"Yeah, it seems some of the hottest monkey programmers drink that stuff. So I should." She gave him a determined look. "I want to get into their heads."
He gave her a stern look. "That's - not ky00t."
"I'm willing to make that sacrifice" <determinedfluff> "if it will get me into their head space."
"Very well..." he sighed.
September 14, 2002
"Not good enough," Hysop muttered.
Hunched over her computer she stared at the symbols; their meanings squirmed like eels out of her paws. She slugged the last of the 'Dew' with frustration. The monkeys could make sense of it, why couldn't she?
"No ape is a better cracker than me!" she snarled. She pushed away from the desk and hop/paced across the floor. Maybe she needed to do some more research - she eyed the books she'd ordered but not had time to read. Books about Babbage, Turin, Hopper - some of the greatest apes in computers and cryptography. "Ah-ha!" she declared and seized Eric Stoel's 'Cuckoo's Egg.' Now here was a story of hacking told by a real ape geek.
Unlike the textbooks she'd read, this was a story of geek-vs-geek; hacker verses sysadmin. Stoel didn't talk about complex codes or formulas, but finding and outwitting a computer spy. It was fascinating reading and it gave her a few more clues into the monkey psychology. It seemed that a lot of apes reversed their natural sleep schedule and worked late into the night. Maybe she should try that. She'd need more caffeine for that than the soda she'd been drinking, but hacking was cool... and 'Dew' was cool... taking large amounts of stimulants was cool...
"Hmmm. Maybe I should get something stronger..."
October 11, 2002
Sid waited nervously outside one of the warren entrances. He worried about this set up and what he was asked to bring. He owed the bunnies his life and there few things he could refuse them. And after all, they were so nice to look at... so nice to hold... so nice to cuddle with and stroke their soft shiny fur...
"Did you get them?"
The voice startled him out of this revere. He looked down at the bunny who was looking furtively out of the hole.
"Did you get them?" she asked again in obvious agitation.
"Uh, yeah." He wet his lips. "Are you sure about this? I mean... this is... well, pretty ah... "
"It's for research. Now give them to me!"
He put the paper bag down by the hole. The bunny snatched it and disappeared without even a thank you. He bit his lip. He didn't even get a quick peek at a cute bunny. This whole incident bothered him. Maybe he should talk to White Paw about it. He smiled vacantly. Yes. He always felt better talking to White Paw. They'd have a nice talk, a quick cuddle, yes - he *should* see White Paw.
Maybe he'd know why a bunny would want cigarettes.
November 20, 2002
Numbers and letters. Characters and symbols. Screen after screen passed by in a constant parade of gibberish. Hysop stared at the screen in a caffinated haze. She <tiltear>ed and jingled her seven earrings. Aping the monkey programmers she'd gotten extra ear piercings and dyed her fur multi-colored. Pierced and multi-hued, she sat contemplating the monitor. There was a pattern in there, somewhere, but she couldn't quite see it yet.
"Maybe I should take up skateboarding next," she said to the cluttered room.
"Enough," she said, and closed the Decode window.
She paced the room and sucked on another Camel(tm). "<PiG-13>," she muttered "I still can't get it," and stared at the computer. A cold fury was building inside of her and she felt like throating something. "Yeah, let's try killing something," she muttered. She ground out her cigarette in the overflowing ashtray, opened the game menu on the computer and started 'Quake'.
Her first attempt to play it had left her ill. The sheer violence and grinchiness of the game made it difficult to play. But as her frustration turned to anger all that had been swept away.
"Die you demons! Die!" she cried out as she used her game controller to gun down the grotesque monsters that popped up on the screen.
"Got the rocket launcher!" <victorypoofle> "Eat this!" and the monsters went <!blooey!> across the screen. "Yeah!" <victoryfluff> She clenched her paw in the air.
She felt recharged and returned to the coding. The adrenalin rush seemed to make the coding go faster, and the characters seemed to make some kind of sense...
She grabbed the telephone. "Hello, Pizza Zoom? Sysop. You know the place. Send me up a hot pepperoni pizza and a two liter bottle of 'Jolt' will you?" She looked at the phone with disgust. "Whadda mean you don't have 'Jolt' soda? Go get some!" She hung up the phone without waiting for a reply.
Three hours, half a pizza and two liters of Jolt later her paws trembled over the screen. Sysop blinked and leaned in on the words before her. Words - not symbols. Out of the alphabet mish-mash plain text wavered on the monitor screen. It wasn't perfect, but understandable words rose out of the code. "I've done it," she whispered, "by Frith I've busted BunnyStumper."
She <fangygrinned> at the computer. "YES!" <pawpump>
"Now to perfect the algorithm..."
November 22, 2002
"I'VE DONE IT I'VE DONE IT I'VE DONE IT!" Hysop danced jerkily around the room.
"I've done it! I've cracked Bunnystumper!" She stood in the wreckage of her room surrounded by moldy food and spilled drinks. Her fur was matted and had circular burn marks it. The professor and Spikey stared at her in undisguised horror.
"Hys?" Spikey asked quietly, "Are you alright?"
"I'm great!" <cough-rasp-cough> "I just need a cig..."
Silkie looked on with distaste. He cleared his throat. "Ah... you said you had a partial translation?"
"Yes!" She lit up her Camel(tm)and inhaled deeply. "Ahh... here, gimme a message and I'll show you."
Looking like he didn't want to make direct contact, Silkie extended a disk to Hysop. She slammed the disk into the machine and activated the program.
"It's not perfect," she said rapidly, "but I can get the gist of the message... look! Look!" she pointed at the screen and started to read. " 'AWF to Buzzy. If I catch you again trying to steal Heather's....' Obviously that miserable little tree rat is bothering his allies again."
Prof. Silkie and Spikey looked at the monitor, then at each other and finally at the Sysop. "Hys," Spikey said quietly. "When was the last time you slept?"
"Who cares about sleep?" <hack><hack> "This calls for a celebration!" Hysop totterhopped over to her desk. "I've got some Starbucks(tm) lying around here somewhere..."
"No, no," Spikey said softly, "Have a Snapple(tm)."
She blinked at him. "Why... yeah!" Her many earrings jingled, "Haven't had one of those in... ages."
The professor gazed at the monitor in disbelief as Spikey obtained a Snapple from a nearby machine. Hysop drank it thirstily. "Hey, this stuff is good!" she smiled dizzily.
"Would you read that passage again?" Silkie asked as he avoided her.
"Whatsa matter," <belligerent furruff> "Can't you read?" She looked at the screen. "It says, 'Ofenhymer to Byzzi. Iyff y inflamible rotifer."
She blinked her weary eyes and the letters swam in front of her, "til 1973 hunters it is time for all goode men ti come to the aid of they're hatrack lingerie.'"
"Hys..."
Hysop rubbed her eyes and looked once again at the message she'd just decoded. It read: Iy77 y (gic6 na8360m stil*73 h4n0ersa 83hbna7 c8an39 linBBear ?}22 hae lwimere.
"But... but... but... " she murmured as she stared at the nonsense painted in glowing characters on the screen. "But I could read it... I could..."
She sat on the floor in disbelief and shock. She didn't hear the medbuns arrive nor feel the sting of the injection they gave her. But soon she felt the world go all soft and fluffy and then go away.
December 1, 2002
"I feel so stupid," Hysop said as she slapped a fresh nicotine patch on herself.
"You had to try," Spikey said with a <supportivefluff>. "Somebun had to take a risk and try a new approach."
He gently brushed her damaged fur. "It took stones, man."
"And I failed miserably!" <angrypuffle>. "It wouldn't have mattered if I'd gone crazy if I'd actually made a breakthrough, but I just hallucinated the whole thing. Success is all that matters."
"No, *you* matter, at least to me," he said and snuggled along side of her. "It's good to have you back."
Slowly she returned the affection. <sighfluff> "It's good to be back. But tell me, what does everybun say about me? I was pretty looney for awhile. Frith! How do those monkeys even live while pumping those poisons in themselves, let alone write code?"
"They say that you were crazy trying to think like an ape," he replied, "but... have you looked at some of your code?"
"No," <shamefluff> "I'm too embarassed."
"Well, take a look at this," He handed her a printout.
She stared at it in disbelief. "This... this is brilliant!" She became very quiet. "But I don't remember writing it."
"It's some of your early stuff. They're still wading through what you wrote but a lot of it was pretty fluffing good. And no bun has said that you were *off* the team."
"I'm... still on? Well I'll be <Pig-13>ed," Hsyop murmured. "Oh wait, I found an error... where's the disk?"
Spikey nuzzled her, "I knew you'd say that," and he presented her with the disks. She immediately hopped to her terminal and began making corrections. "Wait..." she sat in front of the system, her paws hovering over the keyboard, "I think I remember this part."
She turned to her friend, "Spikey, would you get me... ah..."
"Spam(tm) Lover's Pizza?" <knowing grin> "And peach Snapple?"
"Yeah," and she nuzzled him again. "Thank you."
"I'm on my way!" He hopped toward the door. "Oh, one more thing, Hys? The earrings?" <fangygrin> "They look radical!"
<tiltear jingle> <blushpoofle> "Then I'll keep them."
"Cool." He hopped out the door.
The End.
[/s]
Author's notes
Originally this story was going to be shoe-horned into 'New Programming' as a series of interludes - going along with the 'programming' theme - but it proved too cumbersome and detracted from the main story.
It's gone through a lot of revisions and re-writes, never quite matching the story I envisioned originally. More than once I was prepared to scrap the whole thing, but I continued in the hope that I'd recapture it.
I never had any intention of the bunnies succeeding and cracking BunnyStumper; that's against the rules. But I really liked Hysop the Sysop and wanted to play with her a little more. That I got a shot at Sid the Symp was just icing on the cake.
Once again, a big thanks to Ky for editing and encouraging me to keep trying.
-JennyM
Originally published on alt.devilbunnies January 23 - January 31, 2003.