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Farley hesitantly hopped into the Sweet Stop and came up to the bar. "Snapple?" he asked politely. "Mango if you please."
The bar bun turned towards him with a snarl. "I don't serve Fudd-magnets." <barefang> "Now get outta here you shaved mongrel before I call the Guards on you."
Farley cringed and left the Sweet Stop. He scurried down the tunnels of Northside Parlor City Warren and tried not to attract too much attention. The warren was a cold place for him now. He used to be a Guard and respected by everybun, but ever since he'd gotten involved with Ossio's scheme to harvest toes right off the monkey's feet everything went wrong. It had gone okay at first, and the toes had been succulent and delicious, but he must have been mad to even consider the idea. Now the Fudds were back, Ossio was dead... and he was an outcast.
"Having trouble getting served, Far?" a voice came from a darkened tunnel.
"Hammy!" Farley whispered, <desperate fluff>, "go away... "
"That's no reception for an old friend is it?" Hammy said as he hopped just slightly out of the shadows. "Or don't you remember what we shared? The schemes, the plans, the toes..."
Farley shut his eyes tight for a moment. "I remember." <tremblefluff> "I remember being gooed by Mr. Trenchcoat, I remember being shaved bare to the skin and shoved in The Box..."
"Ah," Hammy <fangygrinned> horribly, "You know, ever since then I've started to like monkey music."
"But six months in solitary confinement!" Farley squeaked. "Away from the sun, the moon..." he wept, "...and other buns. After a while I... I would have welcomed a Fourier!" he sobbed.
"Heh. That Sybil is something else, isn't she?" Hammy sniggered. "They say she hears voices. Did you hear voices, Far?"
<flattenedears> "Don't talk crazy..."
"There were three of us, remember? What happened to Suki? Killed in a tunnel accident... " he stared at Farley.
Farley gulped. He was a guard; he knew how things worked in Northside.
"And at any moment, we could be next." <certainfluff>. "An accident is waiting to happen to us. Bouncy's just keeping us alive as a warning to the others. And it amuses him. But he'll become bored with us and then ... sskkkkkrrrch!" Hammy made a slicing motion across his throat. He moved in closer. "And we know something, don't we?"
It was not a question. "So what do we do?"
"We have to escape." Hammy laid a comforting paw on him and whispered, "I have a plan. But I need your help.."
Farley slipped out of the damp, dingy hole he alone lived in and furtively went to see Hammy in his damp, dingy hole. Hammy grinned at him. "Well, I see you decided to come."
"There's no use staying," Farley <tremblefluffed>, "we might as well make a break for it." He looked around. "What's *that*?" he asked, indicating an unruly pile of electronics.
"Heh. It's a monkey's stereo. They threw it out - it doesn't work very well - but well enough. I've been listening to their music..." he said as he handed Farley the headphones. "Have a listen."
Farley cringed at the noise it put out. "That's not music!" He tore the headphones off.
"Sure it is," Hammy <fangygrinned> "Monkey music. Can't you see them capering about to it?" He switched it off. "I've recorded some special stuff."
He handed Farley a Walkman cassette player with a small speaker taped to it. "If the guards try to stop us, just hit play," <fangygrin> "And run."
"So," he continued, "How is it out in the tunnels?"
"Quiet. After the Easter Parade almost everybun is at home digesting the Easter Feast or down at the amphitheater where the big screen TV is set up."
"Heh. I knew everybun would be watching 'Fluffy Chef' today." <vindicatedpoofle>. "Now's our chance. Let's roll."
The two buns sneaked down the mostly empty tunnels. As they crossed a main intersection they heard a distant cheer and muffled theme music. Farley <eartwitched> and pushed Hammy down a side corridor, motioning for him to stay low.
Voices came out of the distance. "Did you see her just rip those squirrels?" laughed a bun. "Haven't had squirrel in ages..." another bun said.
They waited until the voices died away. "Knew them Guard ears of yours would come in handy," whispered Hammy.
Farley <argeepoofled> and motioned him forward. "The tunnel should be just up ahead," he whispered, "and it shouldn't be heavily guarded right now. But we'll have to move fast; an indicator light will go on in the local control room and Main Security we open it."
Down three more corridors they entered a cul-de-sac. Farley slipped his paw under a shadow and pulled a small lever and the door swung silently open. Farley waved Hammy into the darkened tunnel and they both scampered down it. Up ahead he heard the sound of the television program. As he entered the small control room Farley saw the Security bun leaning back on his haunches. "Go squirrel go!" the guard shouted cheerfully at the screen, "Go get that monkey!"
Hammy tackled the guard while Farley checked the blinking alarm light. He breathed a sigh of relief - the alarm was set on 'silent'. "Okay, I can cancel the alarms from here." He tapped on the keyboard. "How's the guard?"
"Heh. All wired up," Hammy <fangygrinned> as he finished wrapping the guard in speaker cord. "Now hurry!"
"Hang on..." Farley tapped the keys again. "Done! It'll take a moment to shut off the outside door alarm... "
"Come on, come on!"
<taptaptaptap> "Done!"
Through the door they jumped upwards into a small tunnel. Soon they hopped into daylight... and stopped.
Three Security buns loomed over them. "Going somewhere, boys?"
The Securty buns moved closer. "We've been watching you boys," the biggest one <fangygrinned>, "for quite some time. We've been waiting for the two of you to do something like this." He <snicked> out his claws. "I guess we won't we have to come up with an accident for you..."
"Hit the button!" Hammy shouted.
Farley pressed the PLAY button on the Walkman. A screeching guitar roared out of the speaker. Farley and the Security buns flattened their ears at the noise. Then a deep, distorted voice snarled out the speaker:
/Eeevvvverrrryyyybbbboooooddddddyyyyyyyy POLKA!!!!!!/
Farley was frozen by the horrible unky00tness of it.
Hammy jumped up and down. "Yeah! Yeah! Rock on!"
/The dead are rising and they're taking to the streets/
/They're all real hungry and they want something to eat/
/Then they'll boogy to a new kind of dance/
/Spinning round and round they'll put you in a TRANCE!/
/DEATH! METAL! POLKA!/
Hammi grabbed Farley by the paw. "Drop it!" he shouted, "Let's go!"
He hauled Farley away. The Security buns shook off their paralysis and fled the vicinity of the Walkman as the distorted accordian went into its solo. Hammy laughed manically as he fled and Farley wondered whether the other bun had truly lost his mind.
----------------------
Lori Whitetail <serenepoofled> at them. "Your story of opression at the hands of Donny Coniglio has touched our hearts. You are both welcome to stay here at Riverside as long as you desire."
Farley looked up from his plate of crispy lettuce, the freshest he'd seen in a long time. "I'm very grateful for your offer..."
"And we have something to discuss," Hammy said as he wiped his mouth with his paw. "Something you don't want the other warrens to know." <knowingeartilt> "Something my friend and I know about you and your warren."
"Oh?" Lori <fluffed> nonchalantly. "Please, speak freely."
"You've been supplying toes for our warrens," Hammy said with a grin. "But they've always been preserved in that spiede sauce of yours." His grin got fangy. "You tell us that it's a preservative. But I know," he motioned to Farley, "We know that's not the case. We've both had toes. Real toes. Fresh toes. And what you sent us wasn't toes."
Lori's serene look became stony. "Not toes, you say."
"Yeah, not toes," Hammy nodded. "Something else, but not toes."
Lori hopped over to her desk and tapped on her computer. "Hmmm. Yes. That could be."
"You admit it!" Hammy bounced, "you admit it!"
"Not quite," Lori replied. "We've been doing a little research. Tell me, why do we have so many problems with the humans? The answer is simple: we crave their toes. Nothing is more satisfying, more delicious..." her look became briefly distant, "than human toes. But if we could isolate that flavor, that... essential essence of toe... our Fudd problems would be solved."
Farley blinked. "So what were we eating?"
"Tofu."
"TOFU TOES?" the bucks chorused.
"Only certain shipments, mind you," Lori continued. "We got the idea of using test markets from the humans." <noddle> "Very clever these humans..."
"Oh man," Farley said, "if Bouncy finds out..."
"We had his full co-operation," Lori replied with an <earflick>. "The same with President MellowEars at Southside. You must have gotten an early batch. We've come a long way in our research and hope to go public soon."
"It'll never work," Hammy shot back. "I know toe. You can't fool me."
"Care for a taste test?"
"Bring it on, sister!"
A short time later a tray was brought in with eight lumps of meat on it. Each one had a toothpick with a number on it. Farley's mouth watered. He hadn't had toe in ages.
"Gentlebuns," Lori said airily, "there are toes here, and toe substitutes. Please try them and tell me what you think."
Hammy snorted and looked them over. He snatched one and chomped on it with relish. "Contest over. That's a toe. He bit another. "Hmmmm, so's this one... <slurp>"
Farley grabbed a few before Hammy ate them all. They were succulent and delicious. "So which one's were the phonies?" he said licking his chops.
"You tell me."
Hammy and Farley held up numbered toothpicks. "These were."
"Good!" she clapped her hands, "you each found one! Which is very good considering there were six out of the eight."
Hammy knocked aside the tray. "YOU LIE! Those weren't tofu! They were toes! I know what toes taste like!"
"Yes, I'm sure," Lori said quietly.
"We shouldn't have to settle for tofu! We're devilbunnies!" he ranted, "Carnivores! Built to hunt, to eat! To kill! THEY told me so!"
Farley stared at him, alarmed. "Who told you so?"
"The Voices!" Hammie proclaimned. "When we were in solitary! You heard them too! YOU TOLD ME SO!"
Lori looked back and forth at the two buns. She cleared her throat. "Tell me about the voices, Hammy."
"First it was just the little twitterings," Hammy said, his breath coming in quick gulps, "Then the room was all lit up. And the Black Rabbit came to me. He said he _loved_ me!" Hammy's eyes grew wide. "He told me I had been a good bun for hunting our prey. And he said that we should be out there, hunting, killing, and destroying all who stand in our way!" He <snicked> out his claws and raised himself up. "Because we're built for death! Built for destruction!" He bared his fangs. "Built to rip and tear!"
"ENOUGH!" Lori proclaimed. Startled, Hammy pulled his claws back in. "We may have claws that rend and tear," Lori said harshly, "but we are also creatures of intellect and of Fluff. Our present predicament is caused by our unwillingness to listen to reason and Fluff, and letting our baser natures rule us."
Hammy sank to the ground. "I'm sorry for the outburst," he said quietly. "I guess... I guess I haven't been myself since ... since..." He looked away, twitching. "I think I need to lie down."
"Of course," Lori <soothingpoofled>. "We can find a nice warm burrow for you to rest in," Lori replied.
"That... that would be nice," Hammy replied. "And... some Spamwiches? And Ginsing Snapple?"
"Of course." Lori looked towards Farley. "Do you want to tell me about the voices, Farley?"
Farley shuffled his paws. "You have to understand. Solitary doesn't mean just being alone, it means," he swallowed, "Total isolation. The guards don't talk to you. Ever. They just shove food in. No lights, just total darkness. The cells are soundproof, so no sound ever reach you."
"Sensory deprivation," Lori said softly.
"I don't know when, but... but I started hearing voices. Tiny ones at first but soon they were keeping me awake at night." Farley gulped. "Or what I thought was night. When I was trying to sleep, I mean. But it was all gibberish until..." his voice dropped to a whisper, "Until the Black Rabbit came. And he told me... he told me that he liked me. And would be with me... always." He covered his ears with his paws. "That's when I knew I was crazy..."
"Farley," Lori laid a gentle paw on him. "You've had a shamanic experience. The sensory deprivation caused you to achieve an altered state of consciousness. But the Black Rabbit *is* always with us... death is a part of life. And you processed that knowledge in a different way than most of us. You're not crazy. And neither are you, Hammy."
Hammy nodded slowly. "Oh. I see. That makes sense."
"We'll talk more later," Lori promised with a reassuring fluff and sent them off to rest.
In their new burrow Farley nibbled on the Spamwich. "Do you thing she's right? And we had some religious experience in isolation?"
Hammy considered his Spamwich. "Yeah... yeah." He sipped the Snapple. "I think she's right. It was religious." He put the cap back on the bottle.
And leapt upon his friend with bared claws.
Farley awoke in a medical unit, hurting all over. Lori WhitePaws, sitting next to the bed, put down her prayer beads as he opened his eyes.
"I see you're finally awake," she said. "You're quite fortunate that someone came to deliver dessert or you might have bled to death."
Farley blinked his unbandaged eye. "Was anyone else hurt?" he squeaked out.
"A guard bun was hurt, and another was knocked unconcious when your friend broke into the communications room. They're recovering. He printed out some map files and sent a message. He tried erase it but he wasn't that familiar with our system." She pulled out a printout and handed it to him.
Farley took the paper in his uninjured paw.
-------------------------------------------------
TIGHTBEAM TO: The Sybil
FROM: Hammy Bunbottoms
I have seen the light. I have been betrayed by my people and I repudiate them. I will be arriving at DoomWarren ASAP. Hope to have a long talk to you when I arrive.
-Hammy
-------------------------------------------------
"Oh Frith," Farley whispered, "He's insane."
"Yes, he is," Lori replied sorrowfully. "Some of what he said is true; we are creatures made for destruction. But we're also ky00t and adorable." <fluff>. "If we listen to our urges for violence we will be little better than the Sybil and her ilk, the wyrmbunnies."
Farley shuddered. "But what about Hammy?"
"I've sent buns out to look for him, but I'm afraid he's got too much of a head start. The world Above, the world of Man is very dangerous. We can only pray, for the sake of his fluffy soul, that he never makes it to DoomWarren."
"They may kill him," Farley whispered.
"If he's lucky," Lori said grimly.
"You were right," Farley sighed, "we are creatures of both fluff and fight. He chose fight. I... choose fluff."
"Then be at peace." She laid a paw on his head. "Rest a while."
Aided by a shot of painkillers from the nursebun, Farley rolled over and into deep sleep.
At the truck stop, Hammy eyed the spare truck tire in its place under the big rig. "Heh," he muttered. With a few quick slashes he ripped it open and crawled inside. With the leftover Spamwiches and the Ginsing Snapple bottle it was a tight fit but he was satisfied. He heard the driver climb into the cab and start the engine. The roar of the engine and whine of the wheels were like music in his ears. The maps he had weren't the best, but he could knew the basic route. Route 88 north to Albany, then East along the Mass Turnpike. From there he was sure he could find DoomWarren. The Voices would guide him.
The rhythm of the road lulled him to sleep as the truck roared northward. And as he slept, he dreamed dreams of fiery destruction and the Black Rabbit dancing up to him. "Come with me," the Black Rabbit beckoned, "and I will set you high in my artillery."
"Heh," Hammy <fangygrinned> "Let's party." And arm in arm they watched the world burn...
-------------------------------------------
In his hospital bed Farley also dreamed. He dreamed of a quiet hillside overlooking the Susquehanna River. It was late spring and the hills were colored in a wash of light green.
The Black Rabbit hopped up next to him. "I missed you today."
"Yes," Farley replied, strangely unafraid. "Did you really say all those things to Hammy? About destruction and death?"
"I said a lot of things to him. But Hammy only heard what he wanted to hear." The Black Rabbit gave a <knowingfurruffle> "I know my people. We are creatures of both violence and fluff. It's your decision which path you take."
"I've had enough of violence," Farley said looking out over the quiet valley. "I think I'll work on being fluffy and ky00t."
The Black Rabbit perked his ears. "I think it fits you. But I must go now." Moonbeam eyes regarded him. "You know, I've always enjoyed our little chats."
"Me too," Farley said shyly. He watched as it started to hop away. "Will I see you again?" Farley tentatively called out, "I mean, before..."
The Black Rabbit looked over its shoulder with a <pleasedfluff>. "Oh yes."
In his bed in the Riverside warren infirmary, Farley smiled.
The End ...for now.
Author's notes:
Back when I wrote my first story, I kept in mind the nameless bunnies whose actions caught the attention of the Fudds and brought them back to the sleepy area around Binghamton. I knew there was a story waiting to be told; it was only a matter of time before it blossomed in my mind.
Like several of my stories this started out as a quick three segment tale. It doubled in size by necessity as the story grew and I needed more and more words to describe the action.
The dichotomy of the devilbunny fascinates me. They're ky00t and adorable... yet they are built for carnage. Is their ky00tness just an act to control humans (and each other), or an essential part of their makeup? And just because something seems likeable, even loveable, does that mean that they're essentially good? (I think we all here know the answer to that one.)
I hope you enjoyed reading this latest installment of Parlor City Stories as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks again to Ky for editing and encouragement.
-JennyM
Originally published on alt.devilbunnies between April 24, 2002 and May 1, 2002